I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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