He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
