I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
