Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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