How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
