Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
