I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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