My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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