either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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