Can i not drive my cunt home
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
