I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
