Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
