i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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