that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dicks are not precious.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
