Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
