if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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