U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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