is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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