u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
