our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
