I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Randomize
