You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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