Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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