shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
