So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
