you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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