If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
