considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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