Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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