3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
