I just cut my nipple shaving
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
