i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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