I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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