i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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