you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
