is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize