I'm so fucking centered right now
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
