I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
