Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
