If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
