your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
