Will you blow on my dice?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
