Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
