Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
