I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
