Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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