Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Someone signed my nipple.
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