He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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