My friends, they love my intelligence
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
