if i can run in heels then i can drive
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
