3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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