I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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