woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
