you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
