dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
