have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
