I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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