There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
