I think my fart just growled at me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
