It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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