So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
