went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
