i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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