I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
