So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
