I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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