I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
