Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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