I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
