I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
