Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
