She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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