Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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