Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
BRING THE BAGELS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
