Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize