you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
