She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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