i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
