Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
