porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
