they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
