a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
